“I’m busy being alone”
a tale of eight weeks in solitude, in Pittsburgh
January was a sweet release, volcanic even, long overdue. It was the first chunk of time in three years when I truly had my own space to myself and could sprawl my work across a big table and do what makes me happiest (make stuff).
I:
started reading “The Artist’s Way” + meeting weekly with a group
continued work on my yearlong moodboards project
started going on “color grid” walks
followed up with publishers via email
painted
made an art wall to stare at in pittsburgh
started vlogging again
made another youtube video
added services + bartering pages to my website
took a tech detox day once a week
made a teeny zine + mailed it to friends
learned how to make zine templates in affinity
made a recorded version of my journaling workshop
studied public speaking
studied AI
wrote songs
experimented with a gel plate
experimented with photo transfers onto fabric to make patches
[and, of course, continued with the day job]
When February rolled around, I felt like I’d gotten all that creative energy out of me. My vessel felt simultaneously cleared and replenished. But the work continued. It just went deeper.
February has been a bit insane in our country with AI agents, the threat of war, the Epstein files, the kidnapping, Mexico, Minnesota—I don’t need to list it all here. But my world has been quiet. My nervous system has been remembering what it’s like to not be in survival mode. I’d forgotten that can take a while.
It hit me suddenly one afternoon, about five weeks in: I don’t have to create a year’s worth of work in a month. I don’t have to set a million goals and go-go-go. I can breathe and, you know, just live my life. Dilly dally!
So I take my daily walks (most days) and write my morning pages and mail cards to the people I love and take video calls from my niece who shows me things like all the pictures she made to decorate her room for spring. I can bake a blueberry muffin cake to celebrate midwinter and eat it as it grows stale over the course of a week. I can learn of secret shrines in my neighborhood, even as people on the street below yell, “You’re not supposed to be up there!”
When I noticed I wasn’t returning some calls and emails, though a part of me wanted to, I wondered why. It’s not as if you’re busy. My internal voice quickly cleared that up: “I am busy. I’m busy being alone.”
It has been the happiest winter of my life.
✦ Website to check out: https://www.tetragrammaton.com
✦ “Vulnerability and art are nearly synonymous” —random comment on X
✦ Lack of clarity is your body / nervous system telling you to pump the brakes
✦ Winter recipe mainstay: sliced potato omelette.
✦ I will be trying this when I’m back in MD:
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✦ For those who journal / geek out about journaling / are particular about their journals, my fav notebook that I bought for decades was recently discontinued, but I found an alternative that I’ve really liked. Thin paper, smooth, simple: Stalogy.
✦ I don’t get FOMO; I get the opposite—anxiety about all the things I’m missing because I’m not alone, anxiety about what that lack of stillness and solitude is doing to my mind and body.
✦ Probably the most alarming study I’ve ever come across: https://www.techguide.com.au/news/gadgets-news/spike-in-early-onset-dementia-cases-linked-to-excessive-screen-time
✦ My fav vday vid:
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✦ Adrenaline = survival mode (they are essentially the same thing)
✦ “Magic is nothing more than the thing that wants to happen next” (Liz Gilbert)
✦ PS to the “A week without distraction didn’t teach me what I thought it would” post: There are “screentime anonymous” groups. It’s called Internet and Technology Addicts Anonymous.
For the record, I created a bunch of stuff in February too :) And I am looking forward to seeing my people again!
Love love love this ✨