SETTING OUT TO ACCOMPLISH NOTHING

Sometimes I’m most productive when I give myself the day “off”

I read Susun Weed’s book “Breast Cancer? Breast Health!” 20+ years ago and something, maybe the only thing, that I still remember was each time she outlined the steps to take upon receiving a cancer diagnosis, step one was always: Do nothing.

As if to say, breathe. As if to say, give yourself space, let yourself process this, and take your time. You don’t need to make any decisions today.

In the chaos storm that was the past month of my life—a death, a birth, and generally over-committing to everyone and everything—I found myself with a core desire to be bored. Not to necessarily feel boredom (because I believe that’s depression) but to actually have nothing to do, to have to think of something to do, to maybe come up with a list of possibilities just for fun and choose one. I wanted that. I missed that.

I like to think of my life as freeform, and I create spaciousness as often as possible, but also I have deadlines and commitments most days of the week, and freedom is somewhat illusory.

I escaped to Pittsburgh recently to decompress, and after a week had passed, I was still not decompressed, so I gave myself the day off. No working extra hours on the day job, no checklists for the day, no building my online shop or making business phonecalls or doing anything out of obligation. I just wanted to feel what it felt like to breathe again. Fully.

I found myself drinking holy basil tea that evening on the couch and journaling, occasionally looking up to see the changing sunset sky, until the birds caught my attention, and I put my pen down and let them.

Watching the swooping little birds playing in the sky reminded me of the birds I used to watch from the rooftop in Arizona. Hummingbirds. Something out a dream—the way they’d rocket up and sink just as fast, two or three of them, then a few more joining in, talking to each other, every dusk, stopping for sugar water and bolting onward.

That was a different life and those were different birds, but the feeling is the same—pink sky and that last little flight of the day that appears to be purely for enjoyment. It looks like a fairytale.

There is no metaphor or allegory here. This is only to say sometimes I think the miracles of life are small and worth our attention. They are simple magic.

I realized then that simply witnessing these birds at sunset was the moment I’d been waiting for—not boredom but stillness and presence. In a high-stress era of overwhelm—of endless to-do lists and falling into the trap of measuring my worth by my output, how much I had “produced” that day, what I had “accomplished,” checked off the list, who I’d helped—I realized I’d accomplished the most important item of all: a state of peace, a feeling of not having to accomplish anything, of not having to produce anything. I realized that the thing I had to do—the very best thing I could do for myself and everyone else—was nothing. Just regain my balance. Find my peace again. And go from there.

✧ Journaling Prompts for Peace & Presence in Chaos ✧

✧ What can I hear, smell, see, taste, and touch right now?

✧ What is one thing I can do today that brings me back to center?

✧ What thoughts are taking up the most bandwidth in my mind?

✧ What do I need to release in order to create more internal space?

✧ When was the last time I felt truly at peace? What contributed to that feeling?

✧ What small ritual can I create to invite more calm into my daily life?

✧ If I could press pause on one part of my life, what would it be and why?

✧ What would I say to a dear friend going through this same season?

✧ Where in my life is there quiet waiting to be noticed?

✧ If I close my eyes, what image or place helps me feel peaceful?

My apothecary is officially OPEN! Please consider buying a $1 zine and leaving a review so I can get back in good standing with Etsy :/ My apothecary was closed for two years while I was nomadic, except for a few digital zines I left up, and one 1-star rating bumped down my whole overall seller rating. Working on a slow reopening now, and reviews really help 💚

Here is one thing I’ve been working on—intention oils (essential oil perfume blends), each with its own intention / mantra / prayer / incantation / meditation …

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I am also working on creating a few workshops and am curious to see what people would be interested in learning more about in that type of space.

✦ I accepted an invite to give a public talk, gave it, and did not die from anxiety.

✦ Music is the answer, when quiet isn’t an option.

✦ If I carve out enough alone time, everything else falls into place. I imagine most artists/writers can relate. “A room of one’s own.”

✦ I made homemade sushi (California rolls) for the first time. It kinda worked? It took a few tries to get the rolling down, but it was a fun process. Also been making a lot of Greek pies, a modified version of the ones I used to eat at my college cafeteria.

✦ If there is hesitation, that’s a good indication that you don’t want to do it.

✦ Got stranded in my van twice in one day recently because of torrential downpours (I was in a parking lot). It gets so loud on that metal roof, I can’t even hear a phonecall during a storm. Kinda fun though!

✦ I went to the “InSpired” premiere and watched the new documentary about Frederick that will air nationwide in the fall. The Weinberg Center was packed for two screenings—really nice to see such a huge turnout! People really love Frederick!

✦ I stumbled upon a Martha Beck clip in which she asserts the opposite of anxiety is creativity—and she went on to study and prove that theory. The two parts of the brain that process each of those things act as mirrors to one another, and they toggle—when one is on, the other goes off, and vice versa. So in short, she found that by literally making ANYTHING you will shut down anxiety.

✦ My fav vid recently in my scrolls … he tried so hard

Uranus is hitting hard right now. So much happening. I am in the process of buying out my siblings and keeping my dad’s Pittsburgh apartment to use as my much-needed homebase, I am slowly reopening my online herb shop, I am in the process of building a website for more offerings (astrology readings, workshops, etc.), I am behind on emails and phonecalls and life in general but am feeling so grateful for every blessing—mostly all of the incredible people I get to know in this life! I also just got started on my garden in Maryland—I’ve planted wild blue indigo, chamomile, mugwort, skullcap, and nicotiana so far and have much more to do. Also working on developing a new holistic system for using astrology for healing imbalances, which I am excited about (more on that later). I have so many projects and ideas in the works, it’s a little insane. I also tasked myself with a personal challenge—“GO PUBLIC EVERY DAY” MAY!—and I have mostly been keeping up with that (I simply miss the days when I would engage with people via social media every day, so I was trying to get back into that space). Basically life is going a million miles an hour, hence the reward of a quiet moment watching some birds out my window!

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